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TEST Choose the answer that is most nearly correct. Email with answers (e.g., 1=A, 2=B, 3=D, etc.). Also include the following information for statistical purposes: age, race, height, weight, and whether or not you are a native Chicagoan. If you achieve a passing score you will win a date with me. Good luck!



1. A personal acquaintance sends you an email, requesting a reply. A timely manner for that reply would be:

a. Never; this is America, so you are not obligated to anyone for anything.

b. A year; he'll just have to wait until it's convenient for you.

c. Two months; you're a very busy woman.

d. A few days, or a week at the outside.



2. You are on a date with a man, and in your opinion, it has been mediocre at best. At the end of the date he asks for your honest assessment of him. You should:

a. Lie and tell him what you think he wants to hear; it's opposite's day so when he says he wants the truth, he really means the opposite.

b. Say you need to use the restroom and sneak out the back door of the restaurant.

c. Say you need to sleep on it, and swear by all that's holy that you'll him the next day with your answer, never really intending to do so.

d. Tell him the truth, in as tactful and diplomatic a way as you can.



3. A business acquaintance sends you an email, requesting a reply. A timely manner for that reply would be:

a. Never; this is America, so you are not obligated to anyone for anything.

b. Six months; he'll just have to wait until it's convenient for you.

c. A month; you're a very busy woman.

d. (k) account to hire a mafia hitman to rub her out (you have plenty of Italian friends).

c. Wait until she is standing at a street corner, and then push her out into traffic so that she gets run over by a city bus.

d. Rely on the good, sweet, and selfless nature of your personality to eventually convince the gentleman to decide in your favor.



15. You walk up to a bus stop, where you see a man you consider attractive. You should:

a. Put on a show for him; he expects you to flirt with him, and enjoys not knowing how far you'll go with it.

b. Make all sorts of promises to him; he expects you to say "yes" when you mean "no".

c. Bewitch him so that he can neither walk away nor run; in essence you want him "under the gun".

d. Treat him with the same courtesy and respect that you would accord a man you did not consider attractive.



16. You and the man you are dating are in your apartment, watching a movie on TV. He asks you politely for a glass of water. You should:

a. Get your gold-plated snub-nose .32 out of a drawer and shoot him; that is the only way to free him from his unholy thirst.

b. Spit in his face; that is the only water you'll give him, and he'll have to content himself with it.

c. Tell him to get his own goddamn water; it's in the kitchen, just a few steps away.

d. Go into your kitchen and get him a glass of water; after all, it is the essence of life.



17. You are standing at the station platform, waiting for your train. A passenger who is waiting nearby you appears to have a heart attack and falls unconscious onto the track below. Although the tracks are not electrified, a train is approaching rapidly and will run over the prostrate figure within 90 seconds. You should:

a. Do nothing; you only have to be nice to someone if you actually know him, but otherwise it is perfectly acceptable to treat people like dirt.

b. Use your to take a video of the person being run over by the train, then text your best friend to tell her you helped reduce the surplus population today.

c. Only assist the person if you can ascertain that he is a True Christian (which may be difficult since he is unconscious and you only have 90 seconds or so).

d. Use that 90 seconds to get him off the track and out of immediate danger.



18. You are taking out some fruit that has spoiled to throw it in the dumpster. You see a blind beggar across the street, on the corner. You should:

a. Start throwing the rotten fruit at the man to encourage him to leave your neighborhood; you live in an exclusive community and won't put up with any riffraff.

b. Get some of your neighbors to help you lynch him; he obviously doesn't deserve to live.

c. Sneak up behind him and steal his collection tin; it seems like a very funny prank, and even if he has feelings, they certainly don't need to be taken into consideration.

d. Treat him with the same compassion and respect that he would accord you if your positions were reversed.

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