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Why resort to craigslist? Because I know you can't be as honest with me in real life as I desire. Ultimately, I think you need to achieve that level of openness and comfort with who you really are, but until then:
I'm not sure what response I'm seeking in writing this -- much like the recent e-mail I sent (and the subsequent week-long exchange) after a year and a half of silence between us. I have an idea of why we didn't work, despite the obvious love we shared, and I'm not sure it would be any different the second time around. Still, I mourn the loss of our life together. With all of our problems, it was still such a wonderful ride. I remember sitting in a cafe in Berlin, smiling so wide my face felt like it would burst, and telling you how happy I was, at that precise moment, for no other reason than that you were sitting beside me. I remember you being that happy, as well. So what happened? How can that much love just fade into nothing? How can your insecurities and fears be stronger than that euphoria?
I haven't found that same feeling with anyone else. But I have faith I will...someday. In the meantime, it can be a lonely ride. I wish you were the man I wanted you to be -- the man I thought you were for the first half of our relationship. Knowing that you are not, however, I can only wish that you become who you are destined to be.
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