About

WHY? Maybe it's because I'm me I became fascinated with you the first time I saw your pix on the internet. On Fubar. Around 2007. Just your pictures alone intrigued me. Mystical. Magical. Erotic. And what I thought to be a wholesome and loving woman. It took me months to get you to respond to me on Fubar. And then finally we started chatting on . And then it took me nearly two years of trying to get you to at least meet me. During that 2 years I listened (read) to your words so closely in chat. I tried so hard to learn about you. You said you were divorced. That your and or daughter lived with you from time to time. That you had to sit your grand son. Seeing me was impossible for you. Finally, you started to wear down a bit. You began to agree on seeing me. But when it came right down to it, at date time you'd never show. You always had an excuse. You had to babysit. But I was the persistent one. I liked what I saw. I wanted what I saw. For keeps. And I continued to contact you. As best as I could. You told me to never come around your place. But we always chatted on . And yes, I am a man. I need a woman in my life. And over this two year period of never being able to see you, I took a casual woman from time to time. On occasion longer than just for an hour. And then finally you decided you'd see me. For real. But even then you had your son drive right by me with you in the passenger seat as I looked at you in amazement, Another huge let down for me. But I continued. I held the steady course and didn't become discouraged. Sometimes when meeting a new person they just might still be involved with someone. And I thought that was the case with you. And then finally, one beautiful summer day, you asked me to come over. You were hesitant, but still you asked. And I came. As quick as I could to your third apartment. You invited me in the door. Sat me on the couch for one minute. And before I knew it we were on your bed making love like it was intended. I was satisfied. I thought you were too. But I had to go. I was working swingshift. And I had another woman on the string to deal with. All of a sudden, you were me. Continuously. And I had to make or break the deal with the other woman. And I cowered. I gave into the philosophy of the bird in the hand. And then I realized how beautiful you are. How you kissed me. How you held me. How you made love to me. And I wanted you. Even more. So more texting and chatting we do. You send me personal pictures of yourself. You tease me with the prospect that there's a man in Louisiana that wants you. And finally once again you allow me to come see you. Straight to the bedroom we go. There's not an inch on our bodies that isn't kissed and loved. And again I have to go to work. You're . Disappointed. I'm a bit confused. I see things around your apartment. Your bedroom that just don't quite make sense to me. I begin to start looking into your life a little. I see an arrest. time. No evidence of being divorced. You're using two last names. I could easily see myself in this woman's arms night and day. But I needed to be cautious, for my job. To maintain my security clearance. So even thou I felt I loved her, deeply, I had to slow the down. IT UPSET HER. Seriously. And it took months to get her to chat with me again on . And slowly, the word started leaking out. That she used. In what some would the worst way. By . Meth. It took me some time to learn the details. That she started by bangin' it when she was 14. Rapped by boys at one afternoon event. Thrown out the when they were done to an awaiting -bull. Lost her mother in a violent death. Unwed . Passed around the Hell's Angels. Married. And says she up the wedding certificate the next day. And here I am 35 years later. In Love with a woman I'll never have for my own. Oh I tell you, the thought of sharing her with someone, everyone, is at times possible. But everything is so hush hush, secret with her. No . Just a texter. On some free service named PINGER. With a legit corporate look, but used by all the because of it's rotating number capability and ability to register without proof of true identity. Yes, since my retirement from the government job, I have always forgave her past. Her present. If only she'd allow me to help her. To Love her. To take care of her. To keep her off the streets. But I have found that there is no other importance to her. Than the HIT. And if you're not in the tight circle of users looking out for each other. Then you are nothing. Nothing more than a being set up for the next con by one of Bremerton's best Grifters. Shit . Look at me now. After all the good I've tried to do....and Why? I was the fool.

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